I’ve been in the process of writing this entry for a week now. I’ve written it and re-written it more times than I can count. My dilemma has been…what to say?
On January 19th, 2011 (Wednesday of last week) I reached the one year post-op mark for my bypass operation. One year ago I walked into that operating room and changed my life forever. So now reflecting back on the last 365 days what should I write about? The hurdles I’ve overcome? The new experiences? What about the mountains yet to climb? I couldn’t decide. I could write about all of those things but then this entry would be about 50 pages long. I don’t have the patience to write that much not to mention that you may not have the patience to read it.
I guess I should begin with the numbers. My official weight-loss for the first year…..144.2 Ibs. That means that I’ve lost about 72% of the weight I needed to lose. That is right where I should be. Current weight 213.8 Ibs. I’ve also lost 65 inches. As I type that I just realize that I’m 65 inches tall. I’ve lost as many inches around my body as I am tall. Talk about breaking down a wall!
Wednesday was much more emotional for me that I had expected. I had thought that I would be excited, almost euphoric. Instead I found myself breaking into tears at unexpected moments. Something I didn’t really understand until I allowed myself to sit down and pay attention to what I was feeling. So what was I feeling that brought on the tears?
I know, an odd reaction but that is the over riding feeling I was experiencing. Relief that the first year was over. Relief that I had survived the first year with no physical complications. Relief that it worked.
A year ago I hoped it would work, I prayed it would work because it was my last chance at some kind of life. I had read about and spoken to lots of people who’s surgeries were successful but something deep down inside told me said it wouldn’t work for me. Nothing else that had worked for other people had worked for me. Why should this? Yet it did.
I’ve still got a ways to go. I did not break the 200 Ibs mark by my 1st Surgiversay but that doesn’t mean I won’t get there soon. I’m only 13 Ibs away. I also acknowledge that I’m going to have to up my game to drop the rest of it. But it will happen.
Yet there is relief in the realization that if I didn’t lose another pound, I would be ok with that.
Lots of doors have opened up for me in recent weeks. Most notably the fact that I’ve started dating which has come with its own set of challenges for this girl, but its growth. And we all know that growth isn’t always easy. So more on that later.
Before I sign off I have to acknowledged and thank all of you. Friends, Family, and even perfect strangers who have read and commented, supported and encouraged, and at times pushed me forward on this journey.
You know who you are. I love you and there is nothing that I can say or do to show you how much your love and support mean to me. The worlds “thank you” are inadequate but they are the only ones I have.
So….. THANK YOU!
Lastly a bit of look back over the last year in pictures. Including a photo of me at the top of Piestewa Peak (also known as Squaw Peak) in Phoenix, AZ. The peak is the seconded tallest mountain in the Valley of the Sun, it tops out at over 2600 feet. While growing up in Phoenix I tried to climb that mountain several times. I never made it to the top. I was too overweight and out of shape to do it. When I decided to go to Phoenix for Christmas I told myself that I was going to conquer that mountain. I DID! I didn’t understand my need to do it until I reached the top.
It was symbolic, a physical climb to show me how far I’ve come. My inability to climb that mountain was the physical reality of my weight, slapping me in the face. It was time to no longer let that memory poison my personal self worth. And it no longer does. I’ve conquered that mountain, and several others in the process.
Until next time.
November 2010, one week before setting the date for my surgery.
June 9th, 2010. 20 weeks post-op and 100 pounds lost.
October 23rd, 2010. 9 months post-op. 135 Ibs lost.
January 19th, 2011. 1 year post-op. 144.2 Ibs lost.
December 21st, 2010. Top of Piestewa (Squaw) Peak. Phoenix, Az.